from here ('my mother who I'm very close to.')

to here ('helped by some convos on the chat and skype, and I'm thinking perhaps that my relationship with my parents is at the heart of the issue')

to here ('Bravoes and sympathies. I did a similar thing [defooing] last week so I know what a tough decision it is')

to here ('[in response to this question: How did you feel when [your therapist] excused their abuse like that?] It made me feel not much angry but uneasy and insecure.[And a bit later] 'This undermines what I'm saying and makes me feel rejected. Now it could be that I'm not always accurate in what I say about them but this is certainly not the time to build up empathy towards them'.

How long until one (or more) of them end up like someone who I know who says "I miss my family"?

Or what about if someone in their original "foo" suddenly is no longer living, and they have regrets concerning this defoo? At that point there is no possibility of mending fences, is there?

Funny how noone mentions those possibilities....it is only about being angry and placing blame.

Nelle speaks truths

Isn't it interesting that the FDR board members seem to be more informed concerning the families of these people than their therapists? Is this really possible, or is another explanation that they all meld their stories into one, and find solace in what then becomes a common experience? All of these board members, many who have never laid eyes on one another, are able to tell so much about one another's families just from chatting on an internet forum. That is remarkable. What's even more remarkable than that, is that so many then require the exact same solution! Hmmm.

Your constant implications that the defooed is manipulated can be seen as insulting to the defooed as it implies that he had no mental capacity to make a rational decision on his own.

Nelle, your question could be applied to a lot of crucial decisions in life. What if you decide to invest time and money into the wrong profession? What if you choose a mate who becomes abusive? What, oh the horror, if you make a mistake in life?

Topics like this reveal more some kind of weird obsession than actual concern. Live your own lives for pete's sake, instead of standing there judging the decisions in lives of others, just because they happen to be a part of a site you have a grudge against.

That perspective speaks volumes because it shows absolutely no awareness or empathy for those left behind after the defoo.

I'm sure that members of Scientology or Fred Phelps' church would be insulted by implications that they are manipulated. Does that mean that they aren't?

Funny that I don't feel insulted, and I defoo'd my family. I'm just telling it like I see it.

Nelle, no it doesn't, but I find it would be far more helpful for those "left behind" if we helped them actually live with the decisions of the one who broke up and see if they may have played a part so as to make sure future relationships have a lower chance of such an ending, than perpetual grudging against the convenient scapegoat.

Reddeerrick, they may or may not be which is besides the point if the decisions still remained their own and weren't coerced. Scientology however isn't known to except actual threats of force or force itself in their dealings.

As a matter of fact, my decision to reunite with my family was made before I began posting at LiMi. I have seen "defoo" from both sides, both making my own family a victim of the act and becoming a victim myself. As soon as I felt the sting myself, and realized how little I had done to deserve it, I immediately made the decision to reunite with my family and cut my ties with FDR. LiMi had nothing to do with that.

Great then. Interesting thing is I actually doubt anyone on FDR would actually oppose your decision to refoo if you felt it was a mistake and after reevaluation found them to be mutually rewarding and valuable.

That's like saying that speaking out about Scientology is stupid, and what we should do is try to convince all the Scientologists that they've been scammed. Do you not understand why that's a ridiculous position?