(By the way, thanks, NonE!)

Jawol, what makes you so sure about that? I agree that bringing a child into the world and raising him or her into adulthood is quite a task, and those who undertake it with love, dedication, and hard work deserve to be applauded. But to take that as a license to claim moral immunity from all judgment or blame seems to be going a bit too far.

I'm not saying that Forget Me Not is guilty of being a bad parent. And I certainly understand that sometimes, apologizing is not the best way to go about things, especially if you have been wronged yourself. But I don't think that the combative, adversarial attitude contained in a "stick to your guns" position is necessarily the best way to approach a difficult situation where a child clearly feels alienated from his or her parents, and seeks to form his or her identity apart from them. It seems to me that a compromising, accommodating approach would be much more appropriate for that sort of situation. Clearly, the child feels misunderstood and unloved (at least unloved in the way that he or she wants to be loved); doesn't it seem a little cold to say, "Well, I love you the way I want to love you, and if you don't like it then you must be confused"? That just seems all wrong to me.

If you love something, set it free.
If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it!

(one of my favorite sayings/bumper stickers)

- NonE

The silence was on and off throughout the relationship after the person became involved with FDR - whenever I would unintentionally offend. This latest silence is after the person has defooed from the relationship. I think that it is important to apologize, as I have attempted to do. I feel genuine remorse, and a true desire to repair the damage that is my responsibility to repair. It would be nice to be able to have an adult discussion with this person, and to have a chance to work out differences in a mature fashion. Even if there is no chance at working out the differences, I am sure there is a more adult way of dealing with it than this "defoo" method. I am still trying to wrap my mind around the sense of non-communcative behavior.

often FDR'ers come to see their parents as monsters incapable of true feeling, as evil automatons, robots who follow scripts. Stefan sets in motion a process of dehumanization and if one starts to see one's parents this way, then it is for the children pointless and scary to talk to one's parents. I think one of the reasons Stef is so keen on dehumanizing parents is exactl;y that, that there is less chance of communication and possible reconciliation

I think some of you do not realise our children have defooed therefore communication with them for us has finished. If we try to get in touch with a letter or email it will probably be read out by Stef on FDR or he will make a podcast with the child in question, slating our awful parenting the abuse we have put them through etc. I don't want to give this man a chance of that because he will surely drive a further wedge between parents and child.

When I realised my child was packing a massive case with the pretence of a holiday I had caught on to the fact this was all going on I did not try to stop him/her I just told my child to see me as a friend, I loved him/her very much and only wanted life to be happy because that's all that matters for all of us at the end of the day. I try not to get in touch it is extremely hard, but I do understand it's the best thing to do, but it really sudden be like this - well I dont't think so anyway.

It breaks your heart though, doesn't it? Of course, there is no perfect relationship. Noone is blameless. We are all human and make mistakes. But to be punished by being banished into oblivion is absolutely cruel. I can not fathom anyone being so heartless, but yet a person who I have loved with my whole heart has chosen to do just that to me. Yes, I have made mistakes, but enough to deserve this? No. Absolutely not.

SM is certainly an "admirable" fellow alright.

Why bother to learn the finer points of communication, conflict resolution, and diplomacy? We can just all behave like SM and leave those who offend us in the dust.

it's probably indicative of something that Stef basically has no friends or family outside of FDR left. Same holds for other FDR'ers.

In other words, he no longer has any 'equals' in his personal life left. He's in a relation of authority vis-a-vis the FDR'ers and with Christina there is a weird co-dependency thing going on.

Interesting. This relationship I speak of was an extremely close friendship of many years. When I refused to cooperate as an inferior underling any longer, and insisted on speaking up for my own point of view, that is when I was banished. I really said nothing particularly offensive. I only spoke up for my own interests. This was considered hugely offensive, probably because the offended party realized that they were no longer being respected as the superior authority figure in the relationship. Very Molynesque, eh?

Sounds like my relationship with me ex-wife. Ironically, it was after listening to Stef's podcasts for a while that I started sticking up for myself, calling out her manipulations and abuse, etc. She couldn't take it, and went looking for another sucker to push around.

I always wondered how your ear got so badly bent out of shape!

- NonE

My feelings of love and friendship for this person will never go away. Sadly, as I was trying so hard to be accepting and non judgmental, I suddenly woke up to realize that this person had become judgmental of me. That was the point when I had to go into self protection mode. I had also been listening to FDR podcasts, etc. When I realized what it felt like to be the person being judged, and then the person who was defooed (stonewalled), I deFDR'd.