I will take a look at these links as well as read up on Stef's realtime relationship paradigm. I appreciate your help.

Kari

Hi Kari,

I agree with Conrad that it might be too early for you to gain much of any benefit by engaging in a discussion with Stefan or Rod right now, but it could be of benefit to you later if you educate yourself on what is going on with Rod. I don't know if you care enough about Rod to make that sort of a time and emotional investment though.

I highly encourage you to read/listen to Stefan's book, "On Truth," and listen to as many podcasts as you can. If you do not educate yourself on what is going on in that philosophical discussion, you will only accomplish the opposite of that which you claim to desire. But be prepared to hear some highly disturbing ideas that may cause alot of anxiety to come up and some intense internal reflection.

There is a bitter, regressiveness that clings to childhood identity in the whole FDR thing. I would think that healing and getting beyond those wounds would be the goal, but one consistent theme is Stef's projection of his hatred of his own family onto other listeners. This obsession with the past is unhealthy, I think. While I do understand the need to deal with one's history, it seems that some kind of resolution or catharsis would be an appropriate goal.

At FDR, there is a lot of pressure to tell, in explicit detail, stories of abuse, neglect, manipulation and emotional damage from childhood. In many cases, these are unavoidable parts of growing up, conflicts that the budding ego will invariably have with the world around them, their parents expectations, and the limitations of society. Sometimes they are really horrific stories, but usually it is just growing pains or resentment over divorce. They are treated with equal weight, regardless. There is never any attempt to understand the context, or to identify with the parents struggle to do the right thing, or to empathize with their pain at making difficult decisions regarding their children and marriages, or even to aknowledge any childhood abuse they may have suffered. The solution is always the same, deFOO.

I've always hated identity politics based on victimhood, and that's just what Stef is promoting. He continually characterizes parents (and sometimes older siblings) as being "at war" with his listeners, and he's tried, very weakly, to establish some basis for their inferiority in terms of intelligence, describing them as a "differet species." It's truly hateful rhetoric that reminds me of racism, sexism and fascism, but it provides FDRers with a scapegoat, an enemy, a common purpose. It is genuinely confusing, I'm sure, to be treated that way, when you don't feel you deserve it. But you can see how he has an interest in NOT talking to you, because the whole story might well fall apart. And the resulting guilt and shame would be profound. I know, I feel it now just reading your posts here and in the threads at FDR.

Thanks, Conrad, for your judicious, balanced and fair reply. I realize that I may be picking sides here, for reasons my own, and thereby disregarding Rod feelings.

Conrad wrote:

I reckon all of us are quick to gloss over other people's feelings, to come up with justifications for ourselves and so on. The hard part is to truly listen to the other.

You're right. I still think my advice is legitimate, as well as my description of Stef anf FDR, but I think I should be more empathetic, since not everyone is as able as I am to deal with emotional pain without internalizing it, and I'm not as patient with others as I should be. I often feel, especially lately with all I've been through, that others are whiney little bitches ( ) for complaining. I just don't like the "poor me" stuff, even though I can understand the temptation to solicit pity, since there's an emotional pay-off. For some people a divorce could have been an earth shattering event that turned their world upside down. Maybe it was discovering their parents lied about Santa or the Easter bunny that rocked the foundations of their little world. Or, it could have been watching their grandmother slowly die from inoperable eusophegial cancer. It's always important to think of context, and ask, compared to what?

My life seems to have had an inordinate supply of tragedy and upheaval, and I feel I've handled it well, but for others who've had far less, what seems insignificant to me is a truly traumatic event. I've got to work on empathizing with that, and not dismissing their experience.

Methinks the inner circle has convened and decided to kill that thread by ignoring it. Kari, if I were you (and still not getting satisfaction), I would be persistent but respectful to keep that thread alive. I don't think it will do any good, but at least it will keep it on the front page (which will make Stef look bad whether he thinks so or not).

Also, I sympathize with your situation. Although I did not know Rod as long as you (I'm a Rose grad as well), I did enjoy speaking and debating with him. But since I was not utterly respectful to Stef in my short stint on the FDR boards, I believe I have also been cut out of his life. I hope it works out, and I still have hope that his fascination with Stef will run its course in due time, but I don't think that you will accomplish anything in your current campaign to talk to him.

I know this a "where are they now?" necropost, but whatever did become of Rodzilla? Can anyone provide the bookend to his FDR saga?