I still remember the day I changed my diet from suiting a healthy fit body and went going the path of obesity.

I was invited to my friend's house after school to generally hanging out with him. It was during the age of puberty. My friend ate quite a lot cause of his metabolism during puberty. I also wanted to show me being in puberty(of course I wasn't and has never gone through a normal puberty) so I started to eat a lot and now I can't stop.

I find these statements puzzling? Are you honestly claiming to have done "nothing" wrong in your relationship with your child?
I am sincerely curious, and don't (in any way) mean to imply or suggest your a bad parent or at fault . I mean to ask "if you can recall anytime you have hurt child unintentionally or intentionally?

ExyPhylo - you may find these statements puzzling, but why is it so hard to believe that I did nothing wrong? I was always happy with the relationship I had with my bueatiful child, up until 20 or so months ago, we would have long conversations about anything and everything feeling perfectly relaxed in each others company. Patience makes a good point I was never a prison guard I never stopped him/her coming or going, all I asked was for the odd text message tp let me know my child was alive and kicking.

I believe a middle aged man heard about this great relationship and resented it so much he has used every reason he can think of to destroy it, how damaged he must be to do this I cannot imagine, I can only hope one day my child remembers what we had.

I would caution against identifying the thought, "I truly believe that my performance as a parent has not been blameworthy" with the thought, "My child has no reason to place blame upon me for my performance as a parent."

For example, my dad is one of the most loving and wonderful parents I have known, and I couldn't possibly think of him as anything but an incredible father. But he has had a lot of trouble accepting my choice to pursue a career in academic philosophy, particularly given the opportunity I have to take a much more lucrative route in finance (I currently work as an energy industry researcher at an investment firm, but I'm waiting to hear from PhD programs in philosophy; I hope to start in the fall). He thinks I'm foolish to make the choice that I'm making, and has been comfortable voicing that opinion. Were I less self-confident, or less able to take on his point of view, I could certainly see myself feeling very resentful of his attitude and refusal or inability to understand me for who I am.

Clearly, my dad just wants what's best for me, and is actually very supportive of my life choices. He has been interested in my progress in applying to schools, and has been congratulatory towards my accomplishments. I know he's proud of me, and loves me very much. Because I can take his criticism in that context, I cannot fault my dad too badly. He's doing just fine as a parent. But that doesn't mean that there's nothing for me to be objecting to.

In thinking about how your children feel, I think it's important to recognize that even if you haven't been a bad parent, all things considered, we don't always take an "all things considered" attitude when thinking about other people. You have, without any question whatsoever, done many, many things to your child, on your child's behalf, or with respect to your child which have impacted him/her in a way that made him/her upset. As a parent, it's simply not possible for that not to be the case. And in many of those cases, your child will undoubtedly have thought, or continue to think, that you exercised poor judgment, acted for reasons that are incomprehensible to him/her, or behaved inappropriately. Again, it's pretty much impossible for that not to be the case. Many people can take a broad perspective and appreciate the sacrifices and love from which they have benefited. Some people can try to see things from their parents' point of view, and can learn to appreciate just how difficult it is to be a parent. But some people have difficulty with those things, and can come to feel as though their parents have done a worse job than they really have. When that happens, let me reemphasize: THEY AREN'T WRONG BECAUSE THEIR PARENTS WERE PERFECT. THEY ARE WRONG BECAUSE THEIR INSISTENCE ON PERFECTION IS UNREASONABLE.

By insisting that you did nothing wrong as parents, you blind yourself to the undeniable reality that YOU HAVE UNDOUBTEDLY DONE MANY THINGS WRONG AS A PARENT. I hope for your sake and the sake of your children that if/when they decide to attempt a reconciliation, you can appreciate how easy it can sometimes be to mistake the forest for the trees. If you go on insisting that you were perfectly in the right, and that this is something that has been inflicted on you completely without basis, then you cannot possibly hope for a resolution.

Danny thanks for the reply, I like reading your posts you are obviously a very intelligent person. I have my reasons for expressing the fact I will not ask for forgiveness because I have done nothing wrong and I am going to stick with them - sorry, and I do hope for a resolution, if my child does walk away from FDR and remembers what we had there will be no need for one.

I can appreciate that. Thanks for the kind words, and I hope that everything works out for you and your family.

I agree. Danny, that was very nicely written. Kudos to you. Similarly, I can see why, from the response you got, "deFooing" might have been an appropriate choice for this particular person.

- NonE

What about when you apologize and apologize, only to be met with stony silence? Then the apology does no good whatsoever - it is only ignored.

An apology does not erase the damage or deed done.

It only serves to share ones regret with the situation or incident etc.

Perhaps at this time your child is unable to see the situation for what it is, or is unable to forgive you for real or imagined damage.

You make your apology, then move on!... That's about all you can do. The ball is in their court.

This is not about power, winning or being right...it's about love.

Set them free... emotionally, physically or otherwise. (How does that saying go?...hmm...If you love someone ...ugh?? set them free..)

(Am I Mr. Potato Head?)

Nelle, it can be extremely difficult to be in a position where someone you truly love simply isn't interested in reconciling or repairing a strained relationship. In those kinds of situations, it's often very easy to feel like the other person is withholding something from you (something which you might even feel like you deserve), and that can be very hurtful. But as kids grow up, it's important for them to reflect upon their relationships with their families and relatives and ultimately decide for themselves how they want those relationships to continue (or to not continue!). For most children, that means finding a happy medium between the kind of family involvement that characterizes childhood and their growing need for independence and self-determination. But some people, for whatever reason, come to feel like their relationships with their family are negative elements in their lives, and seek fulfillment outside of their family settings. It's extremely important to their process of coming of age to be able to make that kind of decision, and to feel respected in their choice. Treating them like monstrous, ungrateful youths who don't understand what they're doing will only reinforce the views that lead them to choose separation in the first place.

It will of course be very difficult as a loving family member to simply accept that your child does not want to remain in contact with you. That may especially be true in situations like those which appear to be happening with regards to Stefan's site, where kids are being led astray by some rather unfortunate ideas and potentially manipulative techniques. But as a caring parent, it's also important that you respect your child's emerging adulthood, and acknowledge that true love is not selfish. It will hurt you to watch your child choose separation, but the choice isn't about you, nor should it be. And while younger adults have a very serious interest in having a healthy and supportive relationship with their families, they also have a very serious interest in being able to shape and direct their own lives in the ways that best reflect their own views and desires. So as a parent, it seems to me that it's your job to be there and to be supportive, but to also allow your child the distance that he or she feels is necessary to his or her growth and development.

But then again, I'm 22; what do I know.