thanks for your interest, i find the emotions expressed on this site so much more genuine than on the fdr boards. I don't want an echo chamber, i'm willing to accept that maybe my friend does need to defoo, at least for now - in many ways my relationship with the friend who defood was damaging and enabling and had serious problems, as he said in the defoo email, on the other hand though, we'd actually made it a lot better after consciously noticing and talking about the problems, which made the defoo extremely confusing. I think it'd be good to write the whole story in one go rather than piecemeal and I do intend to do this. It's all happened just as a load of deadlines (for psycholinguistics research) rear their ugly heads so at the moment I'm thinking that giving my friend some time and a short email of support might be the best way to deal with it.
Have you had to deal with a similar situation, patience?
thanks again for your expression of sympathy and support,
all the best,