I'm not watching any of stef's video's, but I saw a discussion in sutible4livestok's introduction thread about "defooing" and I'm curious. Is this some kind of abbreviation? If anyone would care to condense what it is, and why people do it I would appreciate it.

It's one of SM's new words. He is arguing that most of parents bully, indoctrinate or otherwise abuse the children, and then keep controlling them throughout their adult life using the influence they gained previously as well as society stereotypes. So, he advocates that people should quit relationships with their parents and other family members. "FOO" stands for "family of origin".

But... you are kidding, right? There's no way someone who listened to at least few of his podcasts may not know what that means

Breaking ties with your Family Of Origin. Stef advocates this because you should get rid of all "poisonous" relationships, and just because people are family doesn't mean that they automatically have to be in your life. I agree with his theory in blatantly abusive (both oral and physical) relationships, but his broad definition of what constitutes a reason to deFOO is something that gives me pause. There are teenagers that post on FDR with normal teenage angst against their parents, and what they describe sounds like perfectly acceptable parenting in order to keep the kid from going up to be a wart on the ass of society. But Stef invariably tells the kids that their parents don't love them, and that they should leave the house and deFOO ASAP. It is that over-reaching definition of a reason for breaking family ties that I take issue with, and feel that makes FDR cult-like.

wilheldp, agree 100%!

Upon reaching independent adulthood, a good question to ask oneself regarding one's FOO is this: Are these relationships valuable to me?
Having answered that question honestly, with full understanding that unchosen positive obligations are illogical, therefore nothing is owed to those whose care you were accidentally born into; act accordingly.

Just had a few minutes to look through some old postings and it struck me that this is over 2 years ago and nothing with FDR seems to have changed. Obviously if it were a site like this one it would be fine, it's the Deffoo factor that's so wrong, I believe that if someone is being abused they will have got it sorted out long before they found FDR, the teenagers that join are late teens and most teenagers around these days are not shy in coming forward. There are lots of adults around to tell if they have or are being abused, why wait untill you speak to Stef. As a parent i wish FDR would stick to what it seems to do well and leave the Deffoo aspect out of it.

I Just Found Mrs today and I Feel terrible For all of you who have lost Your children, I can tell you, it Will eventually come to them that SteFiend is not wort their time